Eph 4:19 TPT

And never let ugly or hateful words come from your mouth, but instead let your words become beautiful gifts that encourage others; do this by speaking words of grace to help them.

When I was young, I learned to read squiggles on a page that turned into words which opened a door into reading. Reading led to learning and entertainment.

I could escape into worlds different from my own; into a life that captured my imagination or that modeled good character.

Books taught me important things about myself and the world around me; poetic thoughts captured in words inspired me. Action and adventure enthralled me. Useful—and not so useful—facts got tucked away in my mind.

I relished words and where they could take me. I treasured the nuances of meaning, the power to communicate with precision. At least written words.

It was different when I spoke. I used my words to gain cooperation, tease my sister, or speak my mind. I didn’t consider the impact of the spoken word. Whatever was in my head, I allowed it to flow out my mouth.

In my thirties, our pastor preached a series called “Speak Life” It was a pretty foreign concept. I grew up surround by others who spoke their minds, sometimes using words like battering rams.

When I encountered the hard truth of Ephesians 4:29, it took months for me to comprehend the magnitude of being responsible for every word. I chewed on that, turning it over in my mind, trying to grasp the meaning of something so contrary to my life.

Each word a gift? My words weren’t gifts. It was mostly my selfishly venting. Or bossing my kids around. This was not only enormously convicting, it also seemed to set the bar too high. Maybe I shouldn't even talk at all.

While wrestling with this, I also discovered the unsettled truth in Philippians 2:14 (TLV) “Do everything without grumbling or arguing.” Some versions say ‘complaining’. I consulted a dictionary, hoping to find some wiggle room.

Complaining is defined as: to express grief, pain, or discontent.

Arguing is defined as : to contend or disagree in words: dispute

Grumbling is defined as: a mutter of discontent: complaint.

Nope. It was worse than I thought. Don’t contend or disagree with words. Don’t mutter from discontent.

Wow. That seemed completely impossible. If I was firmly established in the wrong camp, where was I supposed to be? And how could I get there?

Discontent was the key concept. As I mulled it over, I realized that much of my negative speech stemmed from exactly that. Discontent with everything from the weather to issues with my family and health problems. It seemed there was much that didn’t please me.

I’d love to say I had an instant epiphany, and suddenly I was in this golden place where everything was wonderful and my words dripped honey. But, no.

It took years before I grasped the basic truth that the contentment I sought came only from fully surrendering to the over-abundant love the Father had for me. When I finally quit holding back and stepped into His will and ways, contentment flowed through me. It came from resting in the fact that I am His beloved daughter.

When I am connected to Him like a vine to the roots, His power and life flow through me. It’s not about how hard I work at it, it’s about how connected I am to Him. And that brings me to a place where thanksgiving flows from me, leaving little room for complaints.

Am I perfect in this? No. But I've gotten better. I'm more careful of what I say and how I say it. When I mess up, I go to Him for forgiveness and for wisdom in handling things better. When things get hard, I turn to Him for guidance knowing He's with me in it all. He will bring good out of every difficulty when I release it to Him. 

He has healed deep wounds and trauma that I’ve faced. This taught me to trust Him. When my mind is filled with His Word and His love, my lips release words of grace.

After all, what’s in the cup spills over!